08.01.11 righteous

righteous

i have no right to be righteous
if all the sacrifices i make
mean nothing to you

i have no cause to be cautious
or careless
if all that we share is on my side

and after all it's usually my fault
for crying out loud
for holding on too long
for making believe you would do
everything i'd done

please don't tire of me
i'll never tire of you
but your exhausted eyes
speak more than i'd like them too

i never asked for a guarantee
but to light up at exchanges like these

i'm not cut out for this
i'm not cut out for love
i just tear up myself
cause love is never enough

03.07.11 fall out

fall out

i hold nothing elseyou who take better care of me than i take of myselfselfish and wicked i've got it allbold and farsighted no cause for complacency as i recall
and how will i find youwhen the bright lights come our wayand will we survive when the fallout breaks the dayand what will i have leftthat can't be taken awaywith the darkening prospects unnameable objectssupplanting the quiet removing the context
and how can i be sure that we won't fade
if we were born to end in disasterlet me make the moves and bury into youas the darkness falls fasterand were you inclined to choose symmetry instead of mewell i would fare finethough aimless inside

11.30.10 the rest of your life

the rest of your life

will you let me know

will you find it in yourself

to tell me when

i am subject to the agents of my health

find it in your work to keep me here

when your pride and power all but disappear

and i will not define the rest of your life

but i will stand by

defying the bygone and choosing to be

less like those who follow more like those who lead

for asking your insides how long will it take

before i find a cure to be perfect and pure

or we simply break

and all that's static

completely automatically

changed by the grace of your ways

that you bestow on me

with confidence foreseen

i rise for the rest of my life

07.20.10 this changes everything

this changes everything

someday you will know my name

i will replace all that came

before the lightbearers destroyed

our night terrors with joy

but I am not without disquiet yet

and we cannot move forward armed with regret

for all the things we never did or quite said

so this changes everything

ask me and the words will come out true

in this heartbeat i already knew

what is only ever good

i remain as if

a spectre only should

but i know what i have to lose

and so i speak to fight

without grasping excuse

06.07.10 whether he knows

whether he knows

when i don't have a lot

and i give him all i've got

and he asks me why i'd do

a foolish thing like that to prove

that i love him like the first

time i'd ever laid eyes

on a blessing and a curse

and whether he knows it or not

i'll take my chances because they're all i've got

and whether he knows what i do

i just can't hide what i know to be true

and when all the plans i've made

in the light of him just fade

and i think that i should go

but something keeps me here i know

05.18.10 easy to forget/hard to remember

easy to forget / hard to remember

someday we will look back

whether together or apart

perhaps not entirely with all our faculties intact

when it becomes so easy to forget

when it becomes too hard to remember

but all the good in you

that can't be denied

to the past and the people that somehow have died

the worry for nothing

and still you remind me

everyday how fragile

this heart of mine can be

some people burn so fast

others just shine like a light that will last

through the moments when i'm not sure who i am

when you say the things that no one else can

i will cease to doubt

i will cease to deny

i will be as strong as i

04.26.10 little boxes/a better son/daughter

little boxes/a better son/daughter

little boxes on the hillsidelittle boxes made of ticky-tackylittle boxes on the hillsidelittle boxes all the samethere's a green one and a pink oneand a blue one and a yellow oneand they're all made out of ticky-tackyand they all look just the same
and the people in the houses
all go to the university
and they all get put in boxes
little boxes all the same
and there's doctors and there's lawyers
and business executives
and they're all made out of ticky-tacky
and they all look just the same
and sometimes when you're on
you're really fuckin on
and your friends they sing along
and they love you
but the lows are so extreme
that the good seems fuckin cheap
and it teases you for weeks in its absence
but you'll fight and you'll make it through
you'll fake it if you have to
and you'll show up for work with a smile
you'll be better and you'll be smarter
and more grown up and a better daughter or son
and a real good friend
and you'll be awake, you'll be alert
you'll be positive though it hurts
and you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
and you'll be a real good listener
you'll be honest, you'll be brave
you'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
you'll be happy
and the boys go into business
and marry and raise a family
and they all get put in boxes
little boxes all the same
there's a green one and a pink one
and a blue one and a yellow one
and they're all made out of ticky-tacky
and they all look just the same
(malvina reynolds & rilo kiley)