11.30.10 the rest of your life

the rest of your life

will you let me know

will you find it in yourself

to tell me when

i am subject to the agents of my health

find it in your work to keep me here

when your pride and power all but disappear

and i will not define the rest of your life

but i will stand by

defying the bygone and choosing to be

less like those who follow more like those who lead

for asking your insides how long will it take

before i find a cure to be perfect and pure

or we simply break

and all that's static

completely automatically

changed by the grace of your ways

that you bestow on me

with confidence foreseen

i rise for the rest of my life

07.20.10 this changes everything

this changes everything

someday you will know my name

i will replace all that came

before the lightbearers destroyed

our night terrors with joy

but I am not without disquiet yet

and we cannot move forward armed with regret

for all the things we never did or quite said

so this changes everything

ask me and the words will come out true

in this heartbeat i already knew

what is only ever good

i remain as if

a spectre only should

but i know what i have to lose

and so i speak to fight

without grasping excuse

06.07.10 whether he knows

whether he knows

when i don't have a lot

and i give him all i've got

and he asks me why i'd do

a foolish thing like that to prove

that i love him like the first

time i'd ever laid eyes

on a blessing and a curse

and whether he knows it or not

i'll take my chances because they're all i've got

and whether he knows what i do

i just can't hide what i know to be true

and when all the plans i've made

in the light of him just fade

and i think that i should go

but something keeps me here i know

05.18.10 easy to forget/hard to remember

easy to forget / hard to remember

someday we will look back

whether together or apart

perhaps not entirely with all our faculties intact

when it becomes so easy to forget

when it becomes too hard to remember

but all the good in you

that can't be denied

to the past and the people that somehow have died

the worry for nothing

and still you remind me

everyday how fragile

this heart of mine can be

some people burn so fast

others just shine like a light that will last

through the moments when i'm not sure who i am

when you say the things that no one else can

i will cease to doubt

i will cease to deny

i will be as strong as i

04.26.10 little boxes/a better son/daughter

little boxes/a better son/daughter

little boxes on the hillsidelittle boxes made of ticky-tackylittle boxes on the hillsidelittle boxes all the samethere's a green one and a pink oneand a blue one and a yellow oneand they're all made out of ticky-tackyand they all look just the same
and the people in the houses
all go to the university
and they all get put in boxes
little boxes all the same
and there's doctors and there's lawyers
and business executives
and they're all made out of ticky-tacky
and they all look just the same
and sometimes when you're on
you're really fuckin on
and your friends they sing along
and they love you
but the lows are so extreme
that the good seems fuckin cheap
and it teases you for weeks in its absence
but you'll fight and you'll make it through
you'll fake it if you have to
and you'll show up for work with a smile
you'll be better and you'll be smarter
and more grown up and a better daughter or son
and a real good friend
and you'll be awake, you'll be alert
you'll be positive though it hurts
and you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
and you'll be a real good listener
you'll be honest, you'll be brave
you'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
you'll be happy
and the boys go into business
and marry and raise a family
and they all get put in boxes
little boxes all the same
there's a green one and a pink one
and a blue one and a yellow one
and they're all made out of ticky-tacky
and they all look just the same
(malvina reynolds & rilo kiley)

03.24.10 city of giants

city of giants

when i left you made it harder

harder on us both

harder on the folks who knew us well

tell me that you don't remember

how you asked me not to come back anymore

everyone is marching

to save the city of giants

falling around us

ashes to ashes we all fall down

your kindness never came easy

for that i forgive and forget

leave you to repent and regret

but never change

why you didn't try so hard to please me

and how i tried so hard

to let you go

there's nothing that tells me more

than what you say when

than when you say you're not sure

03.17.10 come hell or high water

come hell or high water

come hell or high water

i will keep it all together

everything i do i will do better

and everything i make will not fail

and i will live like I'm dying

and die when I'm ready to go

and we will love like we're trying

to be something so apropos

and all these separate consciences

won't ever know me

ever know you

but seek I try only to keep

what few ever find

and all ache to have

03.04.10 the difference between

the difference between

it starts as a blow to my hearti thought that we could drift like thispast the cities and their streetsthe trash i built up just to keepmyself and everybody else just like me
i don't know the difference betweenthe words that we say and the ones that we meanwe can stay until everyone's homei like you with thembut i want you alone
somehow things always go wronguntil they go rightand we get alongi fight to break down the doorthat you walked right throughlike no one before

02.27.10 i had to lie

i had to lie

i had my doubts i couldn't shake themi wondered how someone could take themso far awaythere was a time when i was a proud andheartless prize to winor to be left for those deserving
i had to lieso still until the way i hoped just disappearedinto the way i feel about youi let my weaknesses grow oldas if i lived to let them go
i decided once invitedi'd make an effort to be someone like youwith nothing to proveyou take a light you make it brighti don't think about how long this timei don't ask why

02.25.10 i had no idea

i had no idea

if only time will tell how long you will love me
let all these hours pass as slowly
as my last breath over final words

as open and as temporarily tamed as i come

i make no mistake for leaving thoughts left in the dust

i come as quiet as i take

what i need from all that i can break

i had no idea

here i am welcome here i long

for the trials of my past to come undone

for all the false and fury found it's way away

and so each day command